best friends

i wish i have a best friends when i 5 years old...
very hope actually...
but...
not easy to find my best friends...
even until now..
maybe because...
the consequences...
the status....
the expertize...
and etc...
still lonely...
when i have a boyfriends...
i trade him as my best friends...
but always failed...
until i become adult also...
same things happen..
more worse actually...
cant trust man anymore...
i call it FOBIA...
now..become lonely again...
but feel better than before...
a lot of tears...and pain..
this we call live..